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Location: New York, New York, United States

Monday, February 06, 2006

Making Waves 8/20/03

Eleven days after my father's death, I am realizing the potential of my true power. That I must surrender to the tide sometimes, ride the wave wherever it might take me.

Once out in the ocean, I can choose to bodysurf or let the waves just pass me by. I can hop the tidal waves or paddle through the little, baby ones. But then I have never had a wipeout take me down for long. I get a little scraped and sandy, but usually swim right back out.

The last time I saw my father was on August 3. I told my boyfriend on the way back home that I didn't think I would ever see him again. I was right. He died in a sudden car accident five days later.

My first night in my parents' home, after taking a train back from New York, the power went out. By August 14, the day before my father's viewing, the lights went out in New York. I watched the streets on television that I would normally walk, heard news anchors report that nobody knew the cause of all this. Meanwhile, Mars is closer to Earth now than it has been in centuries. I looked up at the sky Friday night and could see it clearly. I told my boyfriend that night that I hoped we would get a terrible thunderstorm the next day, the day of the funeral. As we stood by the gravesite, I heard the first few grumbles, and then the downpour came. On the way to the reception, the lightning was so bright that my sister-in-law said from the front seat of our car that she thought she had gone blind for a moment.

Today I saw a photo in Time magazine of sweaty, tired New Yorkers, sprawled out on the sidewalk. One girl sat up from the masses, in a white tank top and denim skirt. She surveyed her surroundings with a concerned and frustrated gaze. The caption read, "Powerless."

What a wave of crazy people, lost without their lights. And yet the article noted over and over again the amount of kindness shared amongst them. Hell, there were 100 fewer arrests in the city that night. Only 850!

Maybe it is when we lose our power that we become aware of the power we truly possess. That our choices become clearer, that we can see our real control and potential. We are given endless opportunities to shine everyday of our lives. Why don't we? Why do we let them pass us by?

I really feel like going swimming.

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